Standing Watch

This is one of my longer posts.  I ask that you hang in their with me, this one is pretty important to myself, and to many who have been subjected to this.

There are two classes of people that can make the online experience unpleasant, to say the least. The most obvious one we’ve all seen, the so called troll, individuals who pop in and out of blog and forum sites, make a couple of snide remarks intended to start arguments, and then sit back and watch the fireworks. Their tactics are more of a hit and run style, and said trolls tend to be generally anti-social, offending everyone they can.. They are generally isolated, easy to identify, and rarely respond to challenges. The damage to a site caused by a troll is generally limited to a particular topic or forum, until an effective means of denying them access is employed (usually a combination of user ID and IP bans).

However, the cyber bully is a very different creature entirely, though they may on occasion appear to their targets similar to trolls. Unlike trolls, the cyber bully is very sociable to most. More often than not, they are senior participants in a forum or blog site, and have widespread acceptance and respect from the majority of the site community. Often, they will assume a form of informal and unofficial leadership throughout the site. For the most part, they generally make a special effort to behave in public discussions and forums. Surprisingly, however, even when the cyber bully does target someone, most regular users will ignore the behavior, or may even join in (more on that in a bit).

As the cyber bully gains stature within an online community, then tend to exercise their supposed authority in ways harmful to the site and those they target. They will increase their dominance over a particular discussion, forum, or even the site itself. They grow increasingly argumentative, insulting, and degrading towards those they are targeting, typically users who may have had the misfortune of disagreeing with something they posted, or almost as often those they dislike over some personal trait they oppose (race and sexuality being the most like reasons, but anything can make a good excuse for such people).

Two things happen to a forum, or more often, a web or blog site, when a cyber bully gains control. The most obvious is that differing points of view are silenced, never really conducive to any discussion thread or forum. Likewise, new users will feel intimidated about participating, and even regular users will cease participation in discussions beyond social bantering. Topics will tend to drift fairly quickly off-topic into discussions the cyber bully feels more confident or comfortable with, or may even be forced back on topic if those conditions already existed but in going off topic the bully feels out of their element.

But, the most damaging aspect of cyber bullying is when the cyber bully gathers others around them, a group of yes-people they can control and manipulate. The formation of cliques within any site is already potentially harmful, but cliques that form around a cyber bully, who becomes the central focus of said clique, are particularly destructive to any site. The cyber bully can then coordinate attacks on others, even making it seem as if they have nothing to do with the bullying. The typical method here is that the cyber bully will post a reply seen as obviously offensive by the target, but generally inoffensive to others because of the cyber bully’s standing with the online community, and they fact they themselves haven’t been the target of a coordinated attack by said cyber bully.

The cyber bully coordinates such attacks usually in private, either through emails to the clique they control, or even using chat or private messaging systems within the site they dominate. When asked about their role in the attacks on one or more users, they can then feign ignorance, or even try to claim they themselves were bullied by their target.

People who bully are adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about them. The method of creating conflict is provocation which bullies delight in because they know they can always coerce at least one person to respond in a manner which can then be distorted and used to further flame and inflame people. And so it goes on. The bully then sits back and gains gratification from seeing others engage in destructive behavior towards each other.

Many cyber bullies are serial bullies, and are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything else they want attention. It doesn’t matter what type of attention they get, positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them attention. It’s like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to refuse to engage them – which they really hate. In other words, do not reply to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their postings as if they didn’t exist. In other words, treat nobodies as nobodies.

The anger of a serial bully is especially apparent when they come across someone who can see through them to reveal the weak, inadequate, immature, dysfunctional aggressive individual behind the mask. For instance, when serial bullies see themselves described on the internet, more often than not they will send a filth-ridden hate-filled email to the author, or post personal attacks in reply to their description on blogs or forums. More than anything else, save for seeking attention, the serial bully wants to be seen as in the right, as correct in their behavior in every way.

One should also always remain alert to provocations, especially by known bullies and their cliques. Think of it as a bating game of sort. Generally, they will post a provocative comment. Those who respond in irritation (non-assertive) are then encouraged to engage in conflict with those who respond without irritation (assertive). The bully then sits back and watches, much like trolls do. Unlike trolls, however, the bully will add additional provocation to the situation when things begin to get boring. The bully generally gets a sense of gratification from doing this, watching others engaging in destructive behaviors instigated by the bully. This leads to a rather unhealthy sense of gratification on the part of the bully, similar to, but distinct from, pleasure.

The serial bully appears to lack insight into their own behavior and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof. However, despite such appearances, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behavior and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully honestly doesn’t recognize what they are doing (extremely rare), then they are mentally ill, and potentially dangerous.

When it comes to serial bullying, regardless of in the real or cyber worlds, all dysfunction within any particular group can eventually be traced to the bully themselves. For lack of a better definition, the serial bully is a socialized psychopath, or sociopath. Removing one target will always result in another being selected. The bully needs targets in order to feel better about themselves, usually because of some inadequacy, but more often because the online claims they make regarding their real world life are greatly exaggerated.

The bully, or their clique under the direction of the bully, will most often post some comment to something the target wrote that is condescending, often finding fault with the target over some trivial, irrelevant, or more often non-existent issue (word choices, grammar, and typographical errors are particular favorites). They will then use the trivial or irrelevant issue to negate everything about the target they can identify.

This will usually be followed up by one or more individuals of the clique posting a supportive comment, claiming to not be taking sides, but actually and subtly taking sides with the bully. These are the cowed clique members, the ones who have no opinion or views of their own, but tend to adopt the ones more popular with the bully. They rarely post on any topic without permission of the bully themselves, restricting original postings to social banter or other such conversation that lacks any substance and has nothing to do with the discussion.

If all else fails, and a conflict fails to arrive, a designated “prosecutor” joins the discussion, demanding the target explain themselves in legalistic detail, or requiring the target to provide incontrovertible and verifiable proof acceptable to the bully. If whatever proof actually provided (links, pictures, etc) is found unacceptable to the bully (always happens), the “prosecutor” will find some way to negate both whatever evidence the target provided, and the views or experiences originally written of by the target.

This cycle continues until either a moderator steps in and puts a stop to it, or the target withdraws from the discussion. If the target withdraws, the bully will then say their position is validated, and may even claim you have agreed with said validation, in an attempt to restart the cycle of bullying by baiting the target to re-present themselves for further abuse. The cycle may also be extended, are started anew, against anyone who may have attempted to support or defend the target.

Dealing with a serial bully can be problematic at best. The best advice one can take to heart is do not engage the bully, or their clique. Unfortunately, once targeted by a bully, ignoring them is not always as easy as one might imagine. Trolls typically snipe at no particular target or topic, and then disappear as quickly as they appeared, making identifying and ignoring them fairly easy. The serial bully, however, is not so easily ignored.

The goal, of course, is to perpetuate conflict until the bully bores from it and moves on to the next target or attack. All the while, the bully remains publicly aloof, not part of the main debate. Behind the scenes, however, is a different story. They actively enlist the help of their clique, usually by email, unless the site they seek to dominate has a private chat or messaging function, which they readily utilize since it is harder to track or document in the event their behaviors come under challenge.

This behind the scenes coordination is what makes the serial bully so effective at gaining control over blog and web sites, and difficult to track for forum moderators and site administrators. It also makes it difficult for other users on a site to recognize what is occurring, unless they themselves become targets or a target points out the pattern of bullying behavior to them. That would tend to cause the target to think that others support, through their silence, the bullying the target is being subjected to.

As I mentioned before, ignoring the bully and their clique is problematic. One tactic the bully loves to employ is that the silence of the target implies the target agrees with the bully, and the bully announces their victory over the target. More often than not, however, the silence implies only one of two things. Either the target has seen through the bullying for what it is and has chosen not to engage, or more likely the target has a life outside of the internet, and simply hadn’t had the time to respond. By the time they do return, the discussion has moved on, and until recognized for what it is, the target has no idea they are being targeted.

Not engaging with a bully to begin with, like not engaging with trolls, is still the best defense against internet bullying. But what should one do when targeted by a bully, and where the bullying simply cannot be ignored any longer?

With properly run sites using standard site formats, there generally is a “FLAG” function, which allows comments particularly offensive to anyone to be flagged for review by a moderator or site administrator.. This is generally effective with trolls, who’s attacks are easily recognizable for what they are. But, when dealing with a bully or their clique, the pattern you see as the target may not be so obvious to a moderator or administrator who reviews perhaps hundreds of posts a day. However, repeated flagging of offensive comments or bullying will tend to cause the bully to appear for review more frequently. Once a moderator or administrator catches on, they can deal with the bully.

Now, if the bullying is isolated, like the sort seen when there is a personality conflict between a couple of users, this generally will put a stop to things, and civility returns. But, when dealing with a serial bully and their followers, this could potentially inflame the situation. If this happens, it becomes very important to document by whatever means possible what is going on. Such evidence can be used to establish a long term, coordinated pattern of bullying. Most moderators and administrators take that quite seriously, and will put a stop to the bullying by whatever means necessary.

Unfortunately, some moderators, administrators, and site owners actually will permit bullying, and in at least one case I’m aware of they will even join in. Sometimes the support is subtle, doing nothing until the bully or the clique themselves comes under attack, and only then stepping in. In one case I saw, a target of bullying who had no idea they were being repeatedly attacked (some people have lives away from the internet), found themselves warned to not provoke their attackers (the attack came from a troll the user would ordinarily chose not to engage).

The most common way to determine if the site itself supports the bullying is relatively easy. If the site refuses to address the bullying, or makes excuses about “free speech” or “not wanting to appear to take sides,” then the site is actively supporting the bullying. This is especially true when the site is a commercial venture, where bullying actually hurts the financial bottom line of the site. In one case recently, a site that spent 3 months to raise their site visits and ranking statistics by 60%, lost nearly half their visitors and their ranking within a week by allowing bullies to gain control of the site and drive off the target of months of bullying. From a business perspective, the site’s decision makes no sense.

It is estimated that one in thirty who participate on blogs or discussion forums are serial bullies, so this isn’t a problem that’s going away anytime soon. The biggest problem, of course, are users who, for a variety of reasons, turn a blind eye to the bullying, especially more senior members of a particular site who should by now recognize the pattern of destructive behavior. By ignoring the problem, users actually facilitate it and encourage it to grow.

In the end, each of us has a personal responsibility to insure we ourselves do not become targets of serial bullies. Some of the steps I outlined should help, and there are quite a few sites dedicated to dealing with what has become a major safety issue for many internet users. But we also have a moral responsibility to each other to not allow bullies to get away with their behavior, nor to allow sites who permit systematic long term coordinated bullying on their sites to remain in business.

We’re already bombarded with bullying on the radio and in the news. We see it every day in our social and political discourse.

We can begin to change things by putting a stop to it in our daily communications with others, by watching out for ourselves and each other.